Have you noticed that if you remove the letter "i" from the word "married," you are left with the word "marred?" I've often wondered if "marred" is a derivative of the word "married." In other words (no pun intended), it's either "I'm married" or "I'm marred." Sadly, that is the mentality society has placed on today's older unweds. In an effort to explain this antiquated mindset, we'll need to take a little journey through time...

In Biblical days, marriages were arranged. When arranged marriages began to dissipate, more women found husbands out of need rather than want. Because women were still not allowed to vote (they earned that right in 1920), and the vast majority was uneducated, ladies of the times depended on men for financial security rather than romantic love as a means of survival. Colleges and universities would not accept female students; and once they were allowed entry, it was years before women could enter the legal or medical professions. In fact, it wasn't until 1945 that Harvard Medical School accepted its first female student. Having been ruled and overpowered throughout the course of history, women were totally depleted of self-confidence and self-esteem. Up until the 1950's, while the husband worked to provide for the family, the wife's duties were to prepare meals, perform sex, give birth, raise the children, laundry the clothes and take care of all other housekeeping chores.

Whether true love existed in any of these marriages is an answer most women probably carried to their grave. One can only assume that many of them wanted to leave their husbands, but couldn't afford to and had nowhere to go if they chose to exit so divorce was really not a viable option under the circumstances.

Then, the 1960's graced us with the Women's Liberation Movement. More and more females enrolled in colleges, obtained degrees, and began entering the workforce making salaries equal to or more than their male counterparts. Women had freedoms they had never before known.

The 1970's brought about new changes. In years previous, divorce was difficult to obtain. For one, women could not file lawsuits, nor could they make contracts or have full ownership and control of property. But with the Women's Liberation Movement in full force, restrictions on divorce were lifted and many states adopted no-fault divorce systems giving both parties equal rights to property, child custody, and distribution of marital assets. Along with relaxed laws, the flood gates of litigation opened in the area of domestic relations; and, today, fifty percent of marriages end in divorce.

The 1980's introduced us to Sandra Day O'Connor, the first woman ever appointed to the United States Supreme Court and a salute goes to Sally Ride for being the first American woman in space in 1983. Many other women made history in the 1980's by starting their own business, becoming elected officials and even preachers.

By the time the 1990's rolled around, the majority of men and women had arrived on an equal and level playing field.

Throughout the decades of changes, men became confused, for they had been reared that women were to be totally dependent upon them. What was happening? Society's past teachings were becoming less practiced, and the brain couldn't keep pace with the changes taking place. Men had lost their usual and customary role as the breadwinner and sole provider for the family.

Don't get me wrong. I love my independence and wouldn't fare too well if my sole support and happiness in life depended on the income of one man. But I often wonder if anyone put ample thought into what the outcome of equality would bring once women gained neutral ground with the male population.

For a possible answer to that, we fast forward to the Twenty-First Century and ask the following question: Did anyone ever project what the future results might be when women in successful careers no longer needed to depend on a man for financial security, a surgically implanted egg could take the place of natural conception as though it's always been the customary norm, sex outside of marriage would be as common as divorce, abortion would be no different to some than simply swallowing a birth control pill, a higher percentage of babies would be born out of wedlock, and the divorce rate would hit fifty percent and climbing...that the need or desire to be married would lose its necessity and appeal?

After having stated some of the consequences that evolved from the 1960's through today, many members of our society are still stuck in their Nineteenth and Twentieth Century mindset of thinking odd of older, unmarried men and women. If it weren't so sad, it would be funny. On the flip side of that, the older unweds find this outdated mentality as questionable as certain members of society find our single status. The truth of the matter is we are living in a day and time completely detached from societal behaviors and patterns of the past, yet a multitude of people haven't yet grasped that fact.

So when those certain types of curious folks who label "unmarried" synonymous with "marred" look at you like a dented canned good on a grocery store reject shelf and want to know why there are a large number of older unweds populating the planet and insist on a definitive answer to their annoying question, "Why haven't you tied the knot yet," declare yourself a member of the S-Chic Generation: 1) Single by choice; (2) Smart enough to know that happiness doesn't begin with marriage; (3) Savvy enough to manage your own personal, professional, financial and social affairs; and (4) Selective enough to remain solo until you feel you've met the one you will marry for life.  *(Read more about S-Chic Generation on the Home Page).

I compare the members of the S-Chic Generation to invisible watch-women aboard the upper deck of a cruise liner who've been carefully examining the successes and failures of the married passengers below. Wedded couples have learned through experience. But for the S-Chic Generation, observation has been our silent teacher. We've taken heed to what guides couples and what divides them. In a rush to simply be married, a race with the biological clock, through the poor choice of a partner, the desire to marry for money instead of a genuine love for their honey, we've foreseen many a couple marry a divorce before the wedding ever took place. With eyes and ears wide open, we've allowed the knowledge to seep deep into our minds, and we strive to avoid repeating some of the same mistakes we've witnessed others make.

A married couple trying to have a baby cannot predict when they will conceive. A doctor can supply the due date of an unborn child but only God knows the exact hour the baby will be born into the world. As matters of life and death are out of our control, so the S-Chic Generation believes it is with marriage. There are everyday choices and decisions human beings can make. But major life-changing events require complete faith in the Creator. As believers, we trust that He is not going to allow us to rush into a situation or circumstance without having full confidence in Him that the gifts He has bestowed upon us are blessed by His Hands. So when it comes to having a mate, it's all in the Hands of Fate.

And when these truths don't satisfy the inquiring minds of those curious about our single status who constantly yelp, "Why aren't you married," then they've just confessed their ignorance to us and have no business asking the question.

 Written by Kathryn Kaufmann. The above article may not be cut, pasted, forwarded, copied or reused.

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