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Certainly with fifty percent of marriages ending in divorce, it's not uncommon for couples who've landed in the valley of marital boredom to scratch their heads and ask: "DID I VOW ON REMAINING COMMITTED ETERNALLY?" Having worked for three and a half years as a court reporter in the area of domestic relations, I believe I learned more through observation than I could have thirty years of marriage. And the saddest thing to me was that I felt alarge number of those couples could have reconciled if one or both parties would have confessed their aggravations and frustrations instead of allowing anger, jealousy and bitterness to consume them. In lieu of taking action to correct their marital issues and strengthen the relationship, they set out on a path of hatred and revenge and soon become another divorce statistic. On the flip side of working in divorce court, I've been in the singles' world for much longer than I ever imagined. And for anyone seeking to dissolve their marriage in search of a better life, it is no picnic out here either. The pastures you imagine in your mind as green and fertile have their own areas of stained soil. So for anyone reading this article that might be about to step onto the ledge of marital disaster, below are several worthwhile points for you to ponder: (1). Why did you marry? For love? Financial security? To have children? (2). What kind of life do you feel awaits you beyond your existing marriage? Why can't you have that life right now? What is holding you back? Why do you feel dissolving your marriage can help you attain that life? (3). What if you find another "significant other" and experience the same problems and circumstances in a second marriage that you are struggling with now? Where might these problems originate? What do you need to do to address them and prevent history from repeating itself? (4). If your spouse has committed adultery, can you forgive him/her? If not, what are your guarantees someone else - down the road - won't do the same? (5). If you suspicion your mate might be contemplating adultery, what measures can you take to prevent such action from occurring? (7). What are your faults and weaknesses? (8). If you've already found favor with another, what are the qualities that attracted you to that person? Perhaps you need to jot them down. This could be vital in salvaging your marriage. (9). Do you realize divorce will not only affect you and your partner, but the children, in-laws, friends and other relatives as well? It is not uncommon for friends and relatives to side with the injured party or the individual they feel the closest bond to. So if you insist on filing for divorce, be prepared to lose a lot of your support system.
(13). Divorce can place great financial hardships on both parties that many can't foresee until it's too late. Are you going to be able to maintain the lifestyle you've grown accustomed to? This will become a vital issue so you need to factor its level of importance. (14). Are you willing to cash in early or completely part with marital property, savings, retirement, 401(K) plans and other assets acquired during the marriage? (15). And to the married ladies out there smitten or already involved with an unattached guy, don't let him convince you he's waiting in the wings when the divorce you are contemplating is final. As a form of flattery, this particular type male will say and do all the right things, but when the rubber hits the road and you land yourself in the singles market, don't awaken to a state of shock and awe if Don Juan has disappeared from your radar. As long as you are married, you are considered safe to him. Once you become available, he freaks out under intense pressure and jets off like a Boeing 737. Do not fall victim to his phony flattery. As with anything, there are going to be those individuals who will, inevitably, fail to hear the voice of reason and trudge forward with filing for divorce in a state of domestic bliss and blindness. Unbeknownst to them, they become our teachers. We can learn from their misfortunes and try to avoid making the same mistakes. I speak on behalf of many unwed men and women. If the success rate of marriage could climb into the ninety percentage point range, we might be more inclined to exchange nuptials. Seriously, we wouldn't be so apprehensive towards wedlock if the ones who've stood at the altar before us would serve as better role models for those not yet initiated into the bonds of holy matrimony. Of course, we do realize there are couples who are staring a divorce in the face the day they tie the knot. And we also recognize there are those who've deemed their marriages so far beyond repair, they would rather be alone on the planet than have to live another day in their marital misery. And we do understand divorce is usually imminent when a partner has difficulty regaining trust in their mate once the act of adultery has been committed against them. Personally, I'm not judging one way or the other. But from what I've observed, the overwhelming majority of couples who divorce are the exact ones that never should have married. The bottom line: Unless you are in a mentally, physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive marriage or your life is threatened or your living conditions are so grossly horrific and intolerable that only death seems sweeter, Don't Tear Down the Marital Residence. Just Remodel It! Written by Kathryn Kaufmann. The above article may not be cut, pasted, forwarded, copied or reused. If you've found the above article to beneficial and resourceful, please e-mail us. |
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A wise old grandmother of a friend of mine once said, "All the flies on the screen door want inside the kitchen. And all the flies inside the kitchen want out. "She used that brilliant analogy to describe how singles long to be married while many married couples desire to recapture their freedom.